Change is in the Air

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About a month ago I started blogging about making small changes weekly in order to become a healthier person over time. And look who’s biting my style this week!

This article really did have a lot of great ideas for making small healthy changes, which is apparently backed by research (Who’s a genius!?).

In my own healthy news, this week I did part two of something I have been avoiding for years.

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I slept in a tiny room while being filmed and monitored by a stranger…

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and hooked up to wires. It was a blast!

When I started talking about sincerely trying to be healthy a few months ago, M made me promise to talk to my doctor about my ungodly sleeping habits. Apparently, I kick, talk, scream, go long periods without  breathing and snore like an old man with a cold. Sexy!

My doctor referred me to a sleep specialist who referred me to a sleep lab and I suffered through sleep study #1.

It. was. awful. The night started with a stranger gluing sensors to my head,legs and neck while making me engage in small talk. It then dragged on with my waking up every hour and laying uncomfortably still so as to not dislocate any of the 2,000 wires attached to me for eight hours.

A month later the sleep specialist informed me of the results.

I snore like an old man with a cold.

I am getting half of the deep sleep that I should be getting.

My limbs move more than they should while I’m asleep; and when they do it wakes me up.

I don’t have sleep apnea but might have a deviated septum.

I had to get a second study done to see if a cpap machine would help.

The second study was last night. And… the hills are alive with the sound of music! I haven’t felt this rested in… ever. I’m pretty sure I’m supposed to be 98% more alert and productive than I have been for the past ten years. And all I need is air blown in my nose all night to get back to my old self! Now that I’ve found it I won’t let it go! Please, sleep specialist, please say I can have my very own CPAP!

I’ll keep you updated.

 

 

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What I’m Doing Here

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Rewind two years and four months. I was at the OBGYN five months pregnant. It had taken me two and a half years to get pregnant, two and a half of the hardest years of my life. Infertility is awful! I already loved this little being growing inside me and I just knew he was a boy. I could feel it.

At first he wouldn’t uncross his legs so that the ultrasound tech could confirm his gender. Then twenty minutes later he finally moved so that everyone could see. He was… a girl!

A girl?!

I like girls. I am one. I never didn’t want a girl.But I had never thought of myself as the mother of a girl. I was terrified, for reasons I didn’t really understand. Now, as the mother of an amazing, funny, strong, beautiful girl, I know a little more about those fears. How I got from there to here is connected but complicated. Here is my attempt to explain it:

I went on my first diet in third grade and struggled for the next twenty-six years with body image, weight and the idea of what it means to be healthy and/or pretty. Like many American women, my happiness, idea of beauty, body image and confidence were wrapped up with my female identity in such a tangled mess that I didn’t know if I would ever be able to see any of it clearly. What did it mean to be healthy- not just skinny (I spent a good fifteen years just working towards that), but really physically, emtionally, socially healthy? Was that even something I was capable of? I wasn’t (still am not most days) sure.

But now there is this little two year old carbon copy of me running around my house asking me things like “What’s that?” (boobs was the answer) and refusing to eat vegetables. I need to be able to show her an example of what healthy, happy, beautiful girls look like because I want her to have a fighting chance at being one. So I’m on a mission to become one myself.  I’m writing right out here on the internet because it forces me to be more reflective.

I’m a teacher by trade, something I love and have dedicated a large chunk of my life to. What I know from teaching is that you don’t have to have all the answers to start. My students ask me a new set of amazing, never-before-have-I- thought-about-that questions every week. What I know is that there is power in saying ‘I don’t know. How can we figure that out?’ So this blog is sortof a huge inquiry project. I have questions. Maybe some of my readers have the same questions. I know that reflecting and communicating are both really important to the learning process. So I hope the reflective journal that is my blog can get me (us if you want to come along for the ride) a little closer to some of the answers.